Monday, 11 January 2010


"God's really good", she says, shaking her fist.

When I was little, I used to get really mardy. My brothers can testify to this. There's this amazing beauty in the honesty of kids. I miss it, and wish we didn't grow out of expressing how we're feeling. Joyful feelings, where if you think you might like the looks of someone, you're quite happy to go hug their leg. That's frowned upon in mature society. But also the negative stuff- like when young kids cry, and scream, there's this furious anger at the world and the injustice that's been done to them. It's fantastic. When I was little, when I'd be venting this frustration, I'd cry and yell and sob and screech and stamp my feet at my mum, and I'd revel in my mood. What I hated, was that behind my mum's back, my brothers would stand pulling faces and doing stupid things to make me laugh in spite of myself.

I guess now, when I'm sad and angry, those rare or not so rare occasions, just as I'm getting into the swing of my dark mood I'm reminded that God is still good, and through gritted teeth I concede. I think as we become really inwardly focused when we're in those moods, it catches on us when we have to look at the bigger picture. I just want to be left alone to rage for a little while, but no, God's good, and this has implications, which are ultimately distracting from us (because it turns out that I am very, very small).

In other news, I have a doctor's appointment in an hour and am strangely scared, and have already tried to call to cancel it.

Furthermore, yet misleadingly unassociated to anything previously mentioned, I'm really discontent with innuendo type stuff. I'm not a prude, and I don't usually mind the tamer jokes, and I make them myself (not that this means they're grand). What gets me right riled up is when I quote lyrics about how God loves us, and someone makes it dirty. No! Pure, perfect love. Very different to kinky sex. I know it's a small thing, but it epitomises what a generation is growing up to think of love as, and the more it's encouraged, the harder it'll get for them to reconcile the love of Jesus. I am such a hypocrite. Throw things at me. But oh my word would somebody baptize my mind? I don't want to be looking at love through anything that's going to distort it.

"Life takes the mick".

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