Tonight I tried taking a step towards resolving the problem I've been having with settling at church. It did not go well. I was hoping for encouragement, welcome and reassurance. I got betrayed, belittled and questioned. I spent a good long time crying, because the thing I've been accustomed to leaning into seems to just move out of the way lately. Things I expected once to help me and secure me, just aren't doing. Thus is the futility of placing hope in earthly things. Let me learn a lesson from this please! I know God doesn't step aside, doesn't leave and doesn't forsake. Praise where it's due. He's amazingly good, despite how infuriating His plans are. I'm still blessed with incredible friends to keep me on track, for which I'm grateful. There have been joyful moments tonight, and live music to accompany them. But I'm sad because I will not be going to church in the morning now, and I want to so badly.
In other news, I bought milk from Spar. It was reduced to 27p, and I thought "milk, that is cheap, success, I shall drink luxurious and extravagant amounts and have joy". Then I noticed as I picked it up that it had information about goats on the side. On closer inspection it turned out to be goat's milk. I contemplated this and thought, "my prejudices must be holstered, it is milk and it is cheap, it will be as cow's milk, I shall drink luxurious amounts before the close use-by date, and there will be joy". When I got home, I poured a luxurious full cup. But as I took my first gulp, all I could think was "this came forth from a goat". A picture of a goat flashed in my mind's eye. "Goat juice". It tastes of goat. Every subsequent swallow has strong White Post Farm smell flavouring. It is mildly foul. The aftertaste returns periodically over at least 7 hours, so far. I feel that the logical thing to do is to conduct an experiment, and thus will endeavor to buy goat's milk every week, and determine how long it takes my body to become desensitized to it. For I am a student.