Saturday, 15 May 2010


I miss my anchor when sees are rough,
Until they stir, miss not enough.
I miss my soul in apathy,
No point to sight with nought to see.
I miss the hurt that gets too much,
I miss the urgency it gives to us,
I miss the crying, sleepless nights,
Wrestling with my selfish pride,
I miss the sense of searing loss,
The echo of You on the cross,
I miss knowing I am very small,
Not so big to take it all,
I miss giving everything to You,
All I strive to hold on to,
I miss the point most every time,
That You've done it all to save my life,
I miss the words that kiss my soul,
'Love is stronger than dark sheol',
Never changing, whatever I feel,
I missed You once, was absence real?
A figment of my missing mind,
I look around and try to find
You but miss You standing there,
Arms outstretched with love and care,
I missed You once, was absence real?
Or was that missed just my own zeal?
Did I lose, or turn away,
Did I run when you begged stay?
Did I spit in true loves eyes,
And go in search of a greater prize?
I miss You every single day,
Hold me close and guide my way.

I woke up rhyming. In fact, I couldn't sleep last night and vaguely remember lying for about 3 hours rhyming. I wrote about three songs, but can't remember them now. But it was a good time. Apart from being very tired.

Anyway, I'm moving towards a place where I take myself less seriously, don't polish things, don't mind people seeing that I'm redrafting everyday- I could always improve, I could always get better, but if I wait until I'm perfect before I let people see- it could be a long long time (like never). Yes, I'm talking words that get written, but I think I'm more talking about the life that I'm living. Each day (each hour sometimes) is just the next draft. Less scribbling out, or at least in different places. Refine me. Yes please.

I'm sort of excited about life today. I'm not sure what it is.

What I can tell you is that God is very, very, incredibly faithful. I have job interviews. In both Sheffield and Nottingham, so all I have to do now is decide where to be this summer. How good is He though? This God who provides everything every day. He always amazes me.

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