Friday, 11 September 2009


I'm slightly conscious of the fact that I'm a reserve. Something's amiss, but is it the situation or my perspective of it?
So, I'm getting hurt (in a detached sort of way) by the fact that someone I care about only comes to me when they're lonely and can't get their fix of companionship anywhere else. I'm there 24/7 ready to do whatever, just be there, seriously ready to love. Every now and then, I'll get a text: maybe a quote, a lyric, sometimes just one word that I know has a story somewhere in their day that maybe I'll hear, maybe I'll have to imagine or work out myself. Sometimes an invitation, "How are you?" to have a relationship for 10 minutes. And for those 10 minutes they're the most important person to me- I'd drop anything I was doing to talk back and be close for those few moments. I still know that 99% of the time I'll continue to wait, silently, ready, just hoping to hear from them again...but it doesn't diminish the desire I have to know them. I know that they may ignore me most of the week, sometimes more, but I'll still be overjoyed when the 10 minutes comes round again, and it'll be worth it. And I think this, and can't help but recognise that God's love is so much bigger than mine, and so much stronger, unconditional, faithful and perfect. And He's there 24/7, every minute of every day of every week, month, year, wanting to love us, wanting to be in a relationship with us, wanting us to come back, remember Him and spend some time. I know I live my life getting my fixes from other things sometimes: friends, work, sports, my word even TV sometimes out-competes the Lord of Heaven and Earth for my attention with its mindless flicking from one repeated sitcom to another. And if I'm getting miffed about my friend only talking to me when his other mates aren't there to distract him, how much more hurt is God's heart when the child that He gave His son to die for only turns to chat for 4 minutes before she falls asleep mid-sentence?
It may be an exaggeration. I pray throughout the day, one-liners, I try to remember God in my life and show Him through my actions. But I get sad for my friend, when I think of how much love he's missing out on. And I get sad when I can't give it. I think God feels this, but multiplied by about 6billion. It needs to change.

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