Saturday, 6 March 2010


A thousand times you've lied
Yet I'm still surprised.

I have absolutely no problem in talking to people. I love it. I'm content to stand in front of 400 people and speak. I'm happy to chat with a stranger I meet on the street. These things don't phase me! But regardless, when I speak, be it doing a reading or teach at church, or answer a question in a seminar of 10 people, my body freaks, and for ten minutes after my legs will shake uncontrollably. It's quite amusing really. A completely physical reaction to something I don't even feel emotionally.

My body and my mind aren't communicating right now. In my heart I'm at peace with the fact that God is completely sovereign, that His plan is perfect and mine is hypothetical. I know how amazing He is, what He can do (which is even more than I recognise). But my body chooses to disagree, to panic and stress, to feel sick with nerves, to shake and falter. Get in line body, come on. It's like watching people freak out before an exam that you're completely calm's just surreal and hard to understand and take seriously.

My priorities have been made quite clear to me this week.

And there are some things that I thought everyone knew, but it turns out they don't. And when I think that by these things I see the world, I wonder at how people see where they're going. I can't fathom it. I guess that's a symptom.

You try to teach me,
Let me learn.

We will be the hopeful.

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