Jehovah-nissi.

Sometimes I spend a day and a half in church and wind up feeling further from God than at the beginning.

--edit: 11.32am--

That statement isn't really accurate, on further pondering.

First is this- when I feel far away, it's usually because I'm facing the wrong direction. If I turned around, I'd be nose to nose because He's always right behind me waiting. This is a picture I'm getting a lot.

Second- the lovesick person (as a wonderful friend reminded me yesterday) is constantly in a state of both complete contentedness and completely insatiable longing. Sometimes I focus on one more than the other. I either get complacent, basking in my comfortable life of security in God, just floating, drifting, serenely and joyfully. Or I fix my eyes on what I don't have, what aspects of His character that I want to see more of, and I long, I covet, I search. There needs to be a balance more than 60% of the time. To be satisfied and secure, yet still ridiculously excited for new revelation.

Yes please.